


Sasha

by SuperOreoMan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Funny, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 03:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperOreoMan/pseuds/SuperOreoMan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Castiel gets a girlfriend, and Dean gets jealous.<br/>(crackfic, oneshot)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sasha

Dean was getting a bit worried about Cas. He hadn’t heard from him in a while, so he decided to call up his post-angelic bro and check in on him. He dialed Castiel’s number, and sighed in relief when he answered in his familiar monotone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Cas, it’s Dean; how are you? Are you doin’ alright? Meeting new friends and stuff?”

"I'm fine, Dean,” Castiel assured him. “In fact, I've found a traveling companion."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. I met her a week ago in passing.”

“ _Her?_ ” Dean asked, suddenly very interested.

“Yes. I was walking through a park when I heard her crying for help, so of course I went to investigate. There was a man attacking her; grabbing at her. I quickly dispatched him and took her back to my hotel room. I cleaned her up and took care of her, and she looked hungry, so I gave her what I had. She doesn’t have a home… I believe her family abandoned her. But…” he sighed, and spoke more softly, “she is quite beautiful, Dean. I don’t know why they would do that.”

“So! What’s this gal’s name?” Dean asked cheerfully, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them.

“Her name is Sasha.”

"Ooh, Russian?"

"I don’t believe so. From her facial structure I suspect that she is of European descent, but—”

"Well, why don't you just ask her where she’s from?"

"I have." Castiel sighed again. "She won't tell me. I've found that it is difficult to procure information from her."

"Well, don't push her too hard, Cas—sounds like she’s been through a lot."

"Yes. She has."

“And kicked out by her own family—that’s gotta hurt.”

Castiel didn’t answer for a moment before answering quietly. “Yes, it does.”  _I know from experience._

He hadn’t actually said it, but Dean could almost feel him thinking it through the sadness in his voice. He wanted to kick himself for saying something so stupid and thoughtless.

“Well…at least she’s got you to take care of her,” Dean offered, trying to mend the situation.

“We have each other now,” Castiel agreed pleasantly, making Dean relax.

"So...are you... _comforting_  her?" Dean asked suggestively.

"Of course," the angel answered without missing a beat. "I feel responsible for her now, and I’m doing everything I can to make her happy."

Dean rolled his eyes at the angel’s usual naïveté. “So she’s doin’ all right, then?”

“Yes. She sleeps a lot, but I believe that is normal.”

“Yeah man, of course it is, after what she’s been through. And you’re sure she’s not another reaper, or an angel, or some other kind of monster tryin’ to kill you again, right?”

“I am certain.”

He sounded so confident…but how could he be completely sure? He’d been tricked once already, and Castiel was still pretty new to the whole ‘human’ thing. What if his fondness for her was making him oblivious to signs that she was an enemy? Maybe Dean should just go check up on him, meet this ‘Sasha’ character, and make sure she’s the real deal.

“So, Cas, about Sasha—”

"Oh, she just woke up. Good morning, Sasha. No, no—don’t—get  _off_ — _ah!_ ” Dean’s eyebrows furrowed as he heard the staticky  _clack_  of the phone hitting the ground.

For a second, he could hear what must have been Sasha’s voice through the dropped phone—it was certainly too high-pitched to be Castiel’s voice—and then Cas was back, seeming very distracted.

"She’s—she is very affectionate," he explained, almost out of breath, as though he was fighting her off. Castiel's voice became distant as he spoke to Sasha. "Not now; I am speaking with Dean—I told you about Dean. I'll come to bed later. Give me a few moments."

Dean was so surprised that he wasn’t entirely sure his eyeballs were still in their sockets anymore. “Is she… _on_  you?”

“She was, but not anymore. She does that…as I said, she is very affectionate. And quite physical.”

"Uh…wow. Sounds like she’s really,  _really_  grateful that you saved her…” Dean understood that—he’d had quite a few flings of his own with women that he’d saved from being monster chow—but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

Castiel sighed. "Yes. She is always vying for my attention…it's exhausting. It can be distracting, but having her near is comforting for both of us.”

“Just make sure not to get  _too_ attached…she might just be relieved that you saved her life, and showing her appreciation now. I mean, she was almost  _killed_.  _And_  rejected by her family. Right now she’s emotionally vulnerable…and unstable and stuff. So…she might not stay with you after she’s better.”

“I think she will,” Castiel replied thoughtfully. “We have been bonding. We’ve spent all of our time together, we go out for walks, and I take good care of her; we have even watched a movie together. And I don’t understand how she does it, but even though she’s so small, she manages to take over most of the bed while we’re sleeping.”

“That’s not called ‘bonding’, Cas—that’s  _dating_.” Man. He hadn’t realized how  _serious_  they were!Trying to keep up the chipper façade, Dean covered the mouthpiece and whispered to his brother, “Sammy! Looks like our buddy Cas got himself a girlfriend!”

Sam glanced up from his computer, looking confused, but he gave a kind of half-supportive thumbs up and an attempt at a smile.

“ _Dating_ …” Castiel hummed. “That seems to be another term I haven’t fully grasped yet.”

Dean glanced back at his brother, who was once again wrapped up in his research, and inconspicuously took the conversation to another room.

“So, are you gettin’ some?” Dean knew it was none of his business, but for some reason he felt like he  _had_ to know.

“Getting some what?”

“Oh, man, you know! Are you gettin’ in her pants?”

“She’s…not wearing any pants.”

Oh. She was waiting for him to come to bed… _naked_. So this was going down  _now_. Well that just made everything eighteen times more awkward.

“So, just to be clear…you’re touching her… _down there?_ ” he clarified. With Cas, you never knew, and it was better to be careful.

“Yes.”  _Oh._

“So…is she into the weird stuff, or does she like it classy?” Dean pressed, trying not to sound too interested. He still knew it wasn’t his business, but he just wanted to make sure Cas was doing it right. Cas was an honorary Winchester, after all, and a Winchester would never leave a woman unsatisfied! And Cas wouldn’t realize it was an awkward question anyhow, so what was the harm? And now he was just making excuses to hear about the man’s sex life. Yeesh. “You know how to…pleasure her, right?”

Castiel was silent for a moment before answering. “Well, she does particularly like it when I stroke her—”

“No details, Cas!” Dean interrupted before this could get any more awkward. He knew he should be happy for the guy, but for some reason he just wasn’t feeling it. “A ‘yes’ would’a done just fine.”

“Oh, okay. Then, yes.”

“Cool. Cool. Uh…I guess I’ll letcha go now,” Dean finally said. “So…bye, Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

And just like that, the call was over.

“ _Dammit,_ ” he cursed, tossing his phone onto his bed.

Dean didn't know why, but something about this whole situation just made something in his stomach twist, and he had this inexplicable urge to find Castiel just to make sure everything was okay. The thought of this Sasha just made Dean very suspicious. *coughbutitwasreallyjealousycough*

He’d made up his mind. Tomorrow, he was going to check on Cas and… _Sasha._

 

* * *

_~~Time passing by sound effects~~_

* * *

  

Dean pulled up to the side of the hotel. He checked a paper in his hands and glanced back at the hotel, making sure it was the right place.

Dean cautiously approached the door. He put a hand on his gun as he knocked on the door, just in case. There was some shuffling noises from the room, and then the door swung open. Dean was relieved to see Castiel’s face, instead of Sasha.

Cas looked utterly lost. “Dean? What…what are you—?”

“Where’s Sasha?” Dean demanded, trying to stay amiable, as he invited himself inside. “I’d like to meet her.”

“You came all the way here…just to meet…Sasha?” Cas asked slowly. His eyes were squinty, and his head just barely tilted to one side.

“Yeah!” Dean replied brightly. “I thought I should get to know your new girlfriend.”

“She is not my—”

“Call it whatever you like, Cas. Let’s meet her.”

“Um, okay,” Castiel agreed uncertainly. He turned around and started leading Dean into the other room. “Sasha,” he called softly. “Come here, Sasha…”

Just as Dean was wondering how the hell Cas got anywhere with a woman while talking to her like that, he heard a tinkling sound. Dean’s eyes widened with a strange combination of shock and understanding as Cas crouched low to the ground, held out a welcoming hand, and called for Sasha again.

With a cheerful  _mrrrow_  of greeting, a small, longhaired cat trotted into the room. It headed straight for Castiel, who was nearly powerless against the cat’s affections as it leapt nimbly into his arms—almost knocking him over—and started rubbing its head mercilessly against his face.

“Dean,” Cas managed to get out through the cat’s caresses. “This is Sasha.”

He was speechless. He wracked his brain, but Castiel  _had_  specified that she was human…although Dean had just assumed.

“Sasha…is a  _cat?_ ” Dean finally sputtered out.

“Yes,” Cas replied, as though that had been obvious the entire time. Which, for him, it really had been.

“But, you…you said you were touching her  _down there!_ ” Dean cried, gesturing vaguely between his legs.

Cas just blinked at him, squinting with those blue eyes. “She was on the floor.”

“And…you were saying that she likes to be stroked…?” Dean bit out, not sure about anything anymore.

“On her cheeks,” Cas filled in. “She likes the side of her face and neck to be stroked.”

“So…” Dean was still trying to fit everything together. “You…watched a movie…with a  _cat._ ”

“Yes.”

And suddenly everything fell into place. Of course Sasha wasn’t wearing pants—she was a cat. And of course she was crawling all over Cas, and being ‘very affectionate’—she was a  _cat_. Geez.

“Well, since I’m here…”

And then Dean sat down, and started talking to Cas, and catching up with what had happened since they’d last met. And maybe they’ll pour out their hearts to each other, and confess undying love to one another, and have sex afterward, but you’ll never know, because this is where this fic ends.

 _Fin_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post on this site.
> 
> You know what... I was tired, and I thought this would be amusing... and... cats.  
> There might be a second chapter from Castiel's point of view. I also think that would be amusing.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!
> 
> ~SuperOreoMan


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